The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

There should be some sort of rule that movies with foregone conclusions aren't allowed to run past the two hour mark. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford drags for over two and a half.

When just from your title and setup your audience already knows the who (Robert Ford), the what (kills Jesse James), the when (somewhere towards the end of the movie because that'd be more dramatic), and the how (probably with a gun considering the time period and the fact that these guys were train robbers) - all you have left is the why, and even that is partially answered (because he's a coward). The challenge is to fill in the details and the rest of that "why" in a gripping manner for the rest of the film. And that's where this film fails. It's no small undertaking but anyone would be hard pressed to sustain tension with this story for two and a half hours.

It's too bad because it is such a striking film visually. Grain shines in the sunlight and sways in the wind. The sky is full of appropriately threatening and tumultuous-looking clouds. The train lights fall on Brad Pitt's Jesse James creating a perfect silhouette before a moment of action. The men disappear through the steam like ghosts. The cast is an array of familiar and vaguely-familiar faces (Brad Pitt, Mary Louise Parker, Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, Jeremy Renner, Paul Schneider). They all do a fine enough job but everything is too subdued for anyone to shine through like the aforementioned grain.

Rating: 2/5

Recommended for: lulling yourself to sleep

The Frisco Kid (1979)

I admit it. I decided to watch The Frisco Kid because it's a western with Harrison Ford. You don't come across that too often (you know, besides his two episodes of Gunsmoke). And I had to know how combing these two elements turned out.

And the result, as you might have guessed, is strange. But it's not just from the aforementioned combo. After all, the tagline is "The greatest cowboy ever to ride into the Wild West. From Poland." The movie also stars Gene Wilder as Avram, a Polish rabbi sent to make his way across the United States (mainly the Old West) so he can lead a synagogue in San Francisco. As Avram makes his way, he crosses paths with Ford's bandit Tommy - except nothing happens the first time. Tommy holds up a train Avram is riding but Avram is in the bathroom and misses the hold-up completely.

Later Tommy comes across Avram trying to stab fish with a huge wooden pole in a stream. He helps the rabbi out by shooting the fish. Then they bond a little and Tommy decides to help Avram navigate the rest of the way. Apparently Tommy has a heart of gold but just considers robbing people his job. They have a few mini-adventures along the way and then eventually their journey is over. And that's pretty much it.

The trailer for The Frisco Kid, builds on Wilder's roles in Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. While slightly endearing this is not the comedy it's built up to be. In fact, it's not a Mel Brooks movie nor is it close to that brand of funny at all. And it certainly doesn't take itself seriously enough to be a drama. It just sort of floats in and out of a few comedic styles and ambles to the end.

I kept thinking "This came out between Star Wars: A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back."

Rating: 2/5
Recommended for: People who wonder what it'd be like if Han Solo was a softer individual from 1850